I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
