Did you just see the Batmobile???
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
