I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
