I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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