She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
