I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
