My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
