I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
