My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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