i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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