She is in my trunk
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
ttyl tear gas
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
