You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
