A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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