Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Even my vagina gasped.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
