You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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