Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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