their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
