And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
