just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
