There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
