You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
