I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
