great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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