Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
