I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
