Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
