singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
