There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
