Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
