life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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