Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We need a shit load of segways right now
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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