I feel like abortions should bother me more
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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