Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
