Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
