"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
