I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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