so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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