Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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