Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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