Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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