there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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