Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
