i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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