So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
