I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
