Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
