I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
