Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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