This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It's rum buckets o'clock
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
