Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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