I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
