great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
