I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
