just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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